At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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