Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
