When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
