my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
