I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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