do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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