she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
