I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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