listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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