i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
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i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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