i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
