I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
