I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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