I looked at my own cervix.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
