That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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