So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
