hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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