i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
