and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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