We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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