I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
