Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I fill condoms, not promises.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
