i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
