I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
