My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
