Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
