Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
