batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You smell like a Billy Joel song
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
