Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
