Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
