My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
