I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
