he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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