im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
