there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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