I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
