I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
