you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
