Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
