You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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