We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
