I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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