it wasn't lemon gatorade
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
