so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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