Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
