some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dicks are not precious.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize