i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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