just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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