FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
