My friends, they love my intelligence
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
