What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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