I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
