This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am mentally ready for anal.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
