Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
