hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
