oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize