i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
