So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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