fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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