I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want her autograph on my taint
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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