you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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