Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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