My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
