What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
