Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
