i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
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Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
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Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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