You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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