wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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