If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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