Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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