I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
