i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
