They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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