he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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