Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
