I wish I could punch you in the face.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
