I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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